http://marylutz.com/2005/03/i-hope-i-dont-lose-this-blog-post/ Family, Faith, Love, Life Wed, 10 Aug 2011 04:42:06 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 http://marylutz.com/2005/03/i-hope-i-dont-lose-this-blog-post/comment-page-1/#comment-21 Tishia Sun, 27 Mar 2005 04:48:00 +0000 http://marylutz.com/?p=28#comment-21 Hey Mary it's me....your long lost friend that lives...what? four doors down...LOL. Anyways...I think it was a God thing that I came across your blog tonight (Saturday March 26th) because I haven't been able to find it because I forgot your blog address but somehow I got here. Anyways...you know how "lost" I have been lately and how far from God I have been and continue to be. But when I read through some of your blogs (especially about Brandon) it amazed me that even though you are upset that you still just give it up to God. I have tried giving Caleb up to God but I don't even try to pray for him anymore because God hasn't healed him yet or shown me what to do. I am so upset with God (and I know thats wrong) that he has given me so much to handle. I remember the verse in the Bible that he wont give us more than we can handle but doesn't he see that I have had more than I can handle? Suddenly life isn't about God anymore......its about me and my hurts, my struggles, my wants, my needs. I know what I need to do and where I should be but I'm hurt, angry, frustrated and don't want to have anything to do with God anymore. I can't even bring myself to go to church anymore because I feel like an outsider, like I'm not welcome or like I don't belong. I feel disconnected from everyone and everything. Maybe moving is my way of "running" from things. I don't know. And sorry I didn't mean to ramble on so much! Hey Mary it’s me….your long lost friend that lives…what? four doors down…LOL. Anyways…I think it was a God thing that I came across your blog tonight (Saturday March 26th) because I haven’t been able to find it because I forgot your blog address but somehow I got here. Anyways…you know how “lost” I have been lately and how far from God I have been and continue to be. But when I read through some of your blogs (especially about Brandon) it amazed me that even though you are upset that you still just give it up to God. I have tried giving Caleb up to God but I don’t even try to pray for him anymore because God hasn’t healed him yet or shown me what to do. I am so upset with God (and I know thats wrong) that he has given me so much to handle. I remember the verse in the Bible that he wont give us more than we can handle but doesn’t he see that I have had more than I can handle? Suddenly life isn’t about God anymore……its about me and my hurts, my struggles, my wants, my needs. I know what I need to do and where I should be but I’m hurt, angry, frustrated and don’t want to have anything to do with God anymore. I can’t even bring myself to go to church anymore because I feel like an outsider, like I’m not welcome or like I don’t belong. I feel disconnected from everyone and everything. Maybe moving is my way of “running” from things. I don’t know. And sorry I didn’t mean to ramble on so much!

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